The way to a man's heart is his stomach
by chaann
Summary: AU - At least, that's what the forum said. Sasori was desperate to get involved in his neighbors life in a subtle way. To cook for him? That was the plan. Sasodei
1. Chapter 1

Paper_Angel: The way to a man's heart is through his stomach!

Sasori read the screen, norrowing his eyes at a suggestion he was given in a forum; how to get a man... And that was the suggestion? What a joke! Even Sasori knew it was easier to get into a man's heat through his pants! Well, that was what seemed more logical to him as the dating scene was not his strong suit. Sure it had never worked on him when he got pawed at while drinking with a couple coworkers, but the person he was trying to woo wasn't the most subtle with things like he was. So if they weren't subtle, why would a subtle courting work?

Scorpion: Does it really work?

Paper_Angel: Yes! Trust me when I say it worked for me. You won't be upset with the results. My man doesn't even go out for dinner with the guys anymore because he knows there is a delicious dinner at home waiting for him! :devil:

Sasori taps the computer desk for a bit, mulling it over. It wasn't like it would hurt to at least try this out. The worst that could happen is he learns to cook, invites him over and is turned down. All in all it still left Sasori with the benefit of learning a new skill if it did fail and the knowledge that this person who suggested it was an idiot and so was he for believing it.

That settles it. Opening a new tab on his laptop, it was time to do some intense reading of cooking blogs and various binge YouTube video watching. He was going to learn to be an amazing chef and win his way into his neighbors stomach and ultimately heart.

Now Sasori had always taken self pride in being a quick learner, but this was a bit different. Instead of taking his time and working at perfection, he needed to be quick. Oh how many times he over cooked his protein to a tough chewy wad; his poor vegetables into mush as he took his eye off them a moment too long while he cooked something else. It took time, it took practice, and it took a keen eye to make sure his future one and only True Love didn't start dating someone else first.

Sasori took a bite of his latest dinner and actually could help not but smile at the delicious taste, unable to even open his eyes as the sauce coated his mouth. It was perfect. It was perfect yesterday, the day before that and the day before that. Now that he learned to multitask, to memorize what flavours compliment each other, and that sometimes he would have to make something he didn't like.

"It's not awful..." he mumbled as he took another bite, "but I still don't really like mushrooms."

As chewed some more, he looked around he noticed something; he actually had leftovers tonight. Originally the plan was to become a great chef, accidentally make a little extra, invite the poor college boy over, and win that heart over through a hungry stomach. Key note of that was when he felt most confident in his skills. Looking down at the dish he hummed. He would have to be quick before it started to all cool down. It was executed perfectly and he had been doing so well lately with all his prior dishes... perhaps he was ready to start wooing.

Outside the door of his neighbor, he straightened himself out, adjusting his clean well pressed clothing. He had quickly tidied his house, got dressed and was now ready to knock away- until the door swung open.

"AH! Oh! Hiya Mr. Akasuna."

Sasori stared wide eyed at the blond whom had just screamed in his face. Even he knew that wasn't a good response.

"Deidara I'm sorry, is this a bad time?"

"No it's fine. Was I being too loud again?"

Sasori bit the inner part of his bottom lip as his neighbor brought up the first time they actually met. Deidara had the TV so loud, and there he came stomping over, knocking like no tomorrow to yell at him... until his breath was taken away. Instead of lashing out like he would have to his downstairs neighbor, he politely asked the man to turn the volume down. After that they only had small talks at the communal mail box downstairs.

A gorgeous, intelligent artist living next door? What a stroke of good luck for once for Sasori! Albeit his weird expression of art. Maybe with some persuasion and time the blond would change his mind- for the better of course.

"No no, no. Your volume is fine." Sasori shook his hands and head, "I was just wondering if you had had any dinner yet?"

Deidara burst out laughing and that initially made Sasori's heart panic in a sort of fear, as he was worried he was getting a good dose of being laughed directly in the face.

"That's quite the coincidence! I was just heading to the convi to get something to eat. Why?"

A firework went off in Sasori's chest. Now was the moment! It was the perfect time! It was destiny!

"I just made myself dinner and noticed a cooked too much. Would you like to have some?"

"Like... Food food?" Deidara asked, shaking, "Real life not store bought pack food?"

"Of course! I love to cook. It's a...hobby of mine." Sasori said, voice laced with reassurance that there in his house was a delicious meal that he had cooked himself because yes, he loooved to cook. Which wasn't too far from the truth. In fact it wasn't the worst thing to do now that he was good at it. Before in the beginning he loathed it, so it was a nice change to have one less thing to hate in his life. However he would love it all the more if someone else had cooked those delicious meals for him instead.

There on the plate Sasori had placed in front of Deidara was something that looked like it was out of a fancy cooking magazine. There on a fancy dish like you would get in a actual five star restaurant was a dish of long angel hair pasta, covered in a pinkish cream sauce with mushrooms and chicken and spinach. It was topped with thick Parmesan cheese flakes, a sprig of parsley and a single drizzle of a dark sauce.

Whatever the hell this was going to taste like, it was going to be good just based on it's appearance.

Because of course Sasori also needed to learn how to present his dishes. He was an artist! Deidara was an artist! It just made sense.

Across the table sat Sasori, slowly twirling his pasta so he could watch Deidara's expression as he was glued to his plate. Now was the moment where he would see if this would work, or not. If Deidara spat it out, there was a low chance he was ever coming back.

"Oh my god...mm." Deidara moaned as he chewed his forkful. "What the hell- mmm! This is bombin'!"

Making a little fist pump under the table, Sasori's confidence was soaring. "I'm so glad you like it. I was being a little presumptive thinking you would even like-"

"Like? I love this!" Deidara yelled going in for another big bite. "What the hell..." The taste was sublime. The sauce was creamy, fresh and a little spicy while thin, long noodles gave a great texture. Heck, the chicken was tender, the spinach gave a hint of a bitter zing the mushrooms gave a interesting chew to each bite. "Wait- mmm..." he chewed a couple more times, "What's this sauce? I've never had something like it before, un."

"It's a bit of a concoction. Not quite a rose sauce. It's a basic cheese and cream sauce with some tomato paste which brings out not only its own flavour, but gives it that pinkish colour. However it's been seasoned with ground pepper corns, garlic and a pinch of hot curry. The dark sauce is balsamic vinegar."

"What the hell- who the hell thinks to do that?"

"Just came to my mind." Sasori hummed, "say you wouldn't happen to have any allergies?" He prodded, needing to know what not to feed his future husband.

"Nope!"

"Ah, I see... good good... anything you hate to eat?"

"Nope! I love eating everything! Not picky at all. Heck, you could probably feed me a fly pie, un!" He laughed as dove back into his dish. He stopped suddenly and grunted, "Wait that's not all true, I don't really like rice pilaf. I mean I'll eat it, but I don't love it."

"No allergies, eats anything? Good good..." Sasori took note. However he thoroughly ignored the fly pie note. That wasn't attractive, nor was it cute and he was never making one even if Deidara asked. People weren't perfect. "No rice pilaf though."

Once Deidara stood at the door with a full stomach and a huge smile, Sasori made the next move, "If I ever have left overs again, would you like to come over?"

"Oh yes please!" Deidara practically begged as he hands clasped and he knees buckled.

"Alright then. I'll see you around."

"Thank you Mr. Akasuna!"

"Please, just call me Sasori."

"Aight! Bye Sasori!"

Sasori climbed into bed that night with his tablet in his hands, searching online for a new recipe to make. He had to pick something good if he was going to invite Deidara again over as soon as possible. He still needed to dazzle the young man's tastebuds.

"Now what should I make us tomorrow for breakfast..."

-x-

Sasori was up and cooking early. He already knew what time Deidara had to leave for school since he himself was an early riser and his neighbor was not the quietest. He also knew he would have to give the blond time to actually come over and eat. College boys were not the most studious with keeping time. That would hopefully change in due time though. Sasori hated to be kept waiting.

"Breakfast?"

Deidara stared sleepily at the man at his door. Food time again? What time was it? Wasn't it still dark? The building was so quiet...Did he even want food in the first place?

"Now?"

"Yes."

"Just lemme...grab my shirt... aw who cares, un."

Oh yes he wanted to eat again.

Deidara moaned as he ate the thickest, cakiest, fluffiest pancakes ever. They were sweet, buttery and the perfect golden brown. There were even berries on the side, whipped cream and actual maple syrup, not the fake stuff. What was nice about them was that they didn't just soak up the syrup and disintegrate immediately. It was so gourmet for six in the morning!

"Oh my god..." Deidara moaned as he took a second bite, hand hitting the table. "This is so good!"

"They say you enjoy your meal more if you can see the beauty of it with your eyes. The senses are powerful..." Sasori brought up since Deidara was incapable at the time of opening them. They were still in sleep mode and he had no power to open them. "How about some coffee?" Sasori then offered, sliding a cup of home brewed coffee, freshly ground and hand pressed, done the old fashioned way.

"This coffee... what the hell! Even the coffee is delicious!" Deidara moaned again, opening his eyes again momentarily before taking a few more sips.

Sasori felt proud. Of course he would need to learn how to brew the perfect coffee. He was winning Deidara's heart through his stomach after all. He couldn't fail anywhere, even in the drinks department.

Surprisingly enough, Sasori too had a cup himself, even when being more of a tea guy. For once he too enjoyed the bitter beverage. This was definitely the best way to start the morning, coffee in hand and a shirtless Deidara sitting across the table.

"Do you usually cook three times a day or something?" Deidara asked, now fully awake, sucking back the last of his drink.

Sasori put down his fork and dabbed the corner of his lips with a cloth serviette. "Of course I do. Breakfast, lunch and dinner."

Deidara nodded and popped a berry into his mouth. "Hmm... and when do you...usually have lunch?"

"Twelve-thirty."

"I see..."

Sasori smiled as he watched Deidara's eyes twinkle. He knew already that twelve thirty was the perfect time for lunch since that was when Deidara usually came home if he didn't go out with friends.  
"Oh by the way Deidara."

"Yes?"

Getting a container out of the fridge, Sasori showed off a container of a garden salad, topped with berries from breakfast and chicken.  
"You're a young man and when I heard you eat from the convenience store, I couldn't help but feel bad." He slid the box across the table where Deidara opened and looked inside immediately. "I had some leftover spicy chicken and some greens in the fridge so I made you a little something. It's something to keep you going. You need your energy to learn."

Deidara's eyes went wide at the delicious looking morning snack for him. Spicy chicken, sweet berries, topped with crushed pecans? What a hit of flavor!

"Oh..." Sasori placed something else on the table while he stood behind Deidara, taking his dirty dishes away. "This here? Just some of my homemade vidalia-poppy seed dressing."

"Oh man..."

"Enjoy..."

At mid morning, Deidara sat at a table and opened his salad and poured the dressing on. He was already salivating at the smell of it all. The smell of a _salad_.  
"Damn..." Deidara mumbled, mouthful of salad. The spicy curry chicken, sweet berries and tang of the dressing melding together in harmonious dance as he chewed. "What a culinary angel!"

"Who?" A classmate and friend sitting beside him asked.

Deidara moaned at another bite, "My neighbor. He's too...ugh he too much... mmmm."

"Whoa there Deidara, calm your jets!"

That afternoon Deidara did no calming of his jets as he used them to his full power while he ran home, hoping to be there for when Sasori would be done lunch. There was a chance that there wouldn't be left overs and Sasori wouldn't invite him over, but there was that chance there would be!

"Oh Deidara, you're home already?"

Deidara panted lowly as he opened his door, attempting to not act like he had just got there,"Yeah... what's up...my man..." he asked between careful breaths.

"Well I made a little too much for lunch today and-"

"I would love some, un!"

"Excellent..."

Today consisted of the most gourmet grilled cheese and tomato soup combo Deidara had ever had. There were three complimentary and flavorful cheeses on thick slices of homemade bread, crusted with sesame seeds giving it a delightful crunch and nutty undertones. It was toasted twice on a panini grill, giving it distinct grill lines. The soup was homemade too, thick hearty and flavorful, again a little spicy. There was extra buttered bread on the side for dipping as well. Each bite was...

"Oh my goddd... mmmm!" Deidara moaned. In fact he found it so delicious he licked the second bowl clean. "Ohhh I'm so full... I need a nap." he mentioned, glad he didn't have work today.

Sasori didn't keep Deidara long for chit chat and let the boy head home for an afternoon nap. He needed his rest after all. Sooner or later his taste buds would get another assault of yet another delicious dinner. Bit by bit he would show Deidara the best way of life was a home cooked meal everyday, one so good you could only get it in the Akasuna Household. Deidara would have no choice but to come back every day, and of course Sasori had no problem with that. Everything would go according to plan as he won Deidara's heart through his stomach.

* * *

my birthday fic for deidara yayayyayay. it's a chapter fic wow. bye for now losers!


	2. Chapter 2

Sasori hummed as he flash seared the outside of his stuffed chicken breast to golden perfection. Humming a new song, he thought about how easily he managed to get Deidara wrapped around his finger. How quickly this was all happening. Who knew all you needed to get a man was a good home cooked meal? He didn't know if his original thought of the way to a man's heart was through his pants was more stupid than through the stomach. Both could be considered relatively easy.

"Now then, let's put it in the broiler to bake for fifteen minutes. Just have to make sure it has an internal temperature of 165..."

This particular dinner would have gone great with a rice pilaf as a side dish, however the blond had made it clear that it wasn't his favorite. Of course Sasori wouldn't make it then, even when he himself liked it. This wasn't just about him anymore, this was about Deidara.

"How about to go with the scallop potatoes, we have roasted garlic green beans dusted with Parmesan and almond slivers..." he spoke to himself, getting out green beans from the fridge, a head of garlic from the cupboard and his fresh block of Parmesan to grate large chunks. He also made sure to take careful note not to ruin the dish by burning the garlic. If he did that? He may as well give up altogether.

Once the meal was done, Sasori walked over to his neighbors house and froze. There standing at Deidara's door was his noisy downstairs neighbor, Hidan. Shirt wide open, youthful skin, rippling muscles and hair slicked back. He reeked of of not only cologne but something else he couldn't quite put his finger on at the moment. Repulsive. This man was considered a threat as he leaned into his neighbors doorway, callously hitting on the oblivious and clearly to anyone but the two men, quite uninterested blond.

"Ugh, he stinks." Sasori muttered in his lowest voice so as to not be heard.

"What the hell is that smell?" Hidan suddenly hollered, the rich smell of garlic and herbs hitting his nostrils.

Both of Sasori's neighbors quickly turned to Sasori, eyes wide as the smell of his house fill the apartment hallway. Deidara knew what was up, but Hidan sure as hell didn't.  
"Bye bye, Hidan! Gotta go!" Deidara yelled, wide smile as he grabbed his keys from his coat pocket that was near by, locked the door and ran directly towards Sasori. "Dinner? Is it dinner!?"

"Oh, uh yes, I have extras."

A hungry Hidan smiled, "What's this? You have leftovers of whatever smells so good? I want in too!"

Sasori scowled, "I only have a little leftovers, Hidan. There isn't enough to feed _two_ extra hungry twenty year old men."

Hearing this, Deidara stuck his tongue out at Hidan earning a scowl. "Hey Sasori! What's on the menu tonight anyway, un?"

"Lightly breaded, pan seared chicken breast that's stuffed with vegetables and mozzarella, scalloped potatoes and roasted garlic-Parmesan green beans topped with toasted almond slivers."

Deidara visibly looked excited. He had never eaten _that_ before!

"I didn't know you cooked!" Hidan exclaimed, shocked at the new news. Last time he heard from Sasori's grumbling grandmother as she stormed out of the building was how poorly her grandchild ate. An "unmarried bum who eats frozen meals" as he so recalled.

"It's my new hobby." Sasori seethed. Looking back to Deidara he smiled, "Also I hope you don't mind, I've been wanting to try out a new dessert recipe and they hardly have ones for single servings... I hope you like chocolate mousse with salted caramel drizzle... since I happen to have an extra."

Deidara and Hidan's jaws dropped. What an extravagant meal- dessert too!? All Deidara had for a late night snack was half of a dollar store brand chocolate bar, while Hidan had a four peppermints he swiped from the bank's candy dish. Goodness did that bank teller give him an earful as he ran out.

"Hurry hurry! Before it gets cold; let's go let's go!" Deidara said in a panic, excited for his next meal.

"Yo! Next time I want in on this!"

Sasori snorted, "Only if there is enough left overs for three... oh, but wait," Hidan quirked a brow. "Deidara, How was your salad today?"

"Delicious!"

"Hmm, I think if there is any leftovers from the two of us, they will be Deidara's mid morning snack. Sorry Hidan. Bye!" And shut the door.

Hidan just grumbled and head back down the hall to the staircase. It didn't make any sense! For as long as he had known the redhead, Sasori never shared, never had guests over, didn't even interact with neighbors, and didn't cook extravagant meals. Opening the door to the staircase he looked back and sighed, "That shit smelled so good too." he sulked.

It was now a daily thing. Everyday, three times a day, Deidara would join Sasori for a meal. He didn't even have to wake Deidara up in the morning anymore, he'd simply knock and there would be a waiting man, ready for a great breakfast. Lunch was always a riot for his tastebuds. However dinner had easily become the blonds favorite time of the day. As if on cue when the clock struck six thirty, Deidara began to salivate.

There were casseroles, ribs, soups, lasagna so delicious it made him weak in the knees. Homemade pizza, freshly made ravioli, and homemade garlic butter spread on fresh homemade bread to make the most amazing garlic toast. Gourmet salads, hamburgers and there was even a day they had the most incredible assortment of little appetizers and wine for dinner. The little cheese cubes were just so fancy that evening.

Desserts were on the rise too after he got such a great response from Deidara. Sasori even called his grandmother for his family's special cherry pie recipe, hoping Deidara would love it as much as he did. When he did end up making it for the blond, his toes curled in happiness as Deidara had nothing but praises spill from his lips over how delicious it was. From the sweet cherry insides, to the crunchy sugar coated and flaky crust; it was a divine way to end a meal with a cup of tea and a scoop of ice cream.

"I'm really glad you liked this dessert. It was my favorite as a child." Sasori said, not even noticing he had said a little too much there. Deidara wasn't supposed to know Sasori was trying to cook him delicious food. It was supposed to be leftovers, nothing overly sentimental.

"Hey Sasori, your apron is lookin' messed up."

Glancing down Sasori sighed as he looked at the stained beyond stained apron. He had cooked so much for Deidara in this apron, it would be a shame to throw it out. It definitely had sentimental value at this point, however he really did need a new one.

"Yeah, I guess I may need a new one."

The dirty and tattered apron was a sign. He had been spending so much time preparing food for Deidara and for what? Perfection. Everything was going to plan as Sasori got Deidara all to himself. They talked, got to know each other better like they were on the classiest of dates while one of them wore their comfiest clothing. Most excitedly to Sasori, Deidara had grown incredibly dependent on those tasty meals.

It was like calling livestock to feed.

Sasori watched Deidara eat his breakfast consisting of something downright delightful. He had purchased himself a pressure cooking pot and made homemade yogurt. It was gently warmed and topped with warm berries and a drizzle of sweet honey.

"I've... I've never had warm yogurt... warm fresh homemade yogurt..."

"Oh yes," Sasori tittered a little, "It's the only way to go, but you have to warm it carefully and only a little or else it will separate."

"So it's hard to do, un?"

"Well, it's not easy if you are careless or are not sure what you're doing."

Deidara went for a second bowl and Sasori watched from behind as the blond reached over the table to fill his bowl. There was something different about Deidara he had noticed these past couple days. Something that somehow made him... sexier? Why did Deidara all of a sudden get more attractive? As if that were even possible! Something was different though, was he maybe doing something to himself to make him look good for the meals?  
Sasori was puzzled, but whatever it was, it was simply _fantastic_. In fact, that ass he was looking at was looking fantastic; even in sweatpants and yes, yoga pants.

"Thanks for the food!"

"You're welcome."

Deidara sucked back the last of his coffee and was out the door, full of vigor and energy to start his day. Of course he had a special treat in his hand made by Sasori, something to keep him going as well as something to remind the college boy of Sasori all day long.  
Today? It was a big slice of a cheesecake-brownie and by god it looked good.

As Sasori cleaned up the dishes, he clicked his tongue as he thought about the rest of his day. First, he would start off by working a few hours from home, the he'd drop off some paper work, head out mail a few packages after that, finally he would head to the grocery store and come home to make lunch and start the prep for dinner. What to make though...

"SASORI!"

Sasori dropped his pot into the sink, water splashing out and soaking himself. An awful sensation to be soaked with dirty dish water, but oh how Sasori's heart pounded! Looking around he stared wide eyed at a not even half dressed Deidara looking positively horrified himself as the door had been slammed right open.

"What's wrong!?" Sasori panicked, instantly worried he had made Deidara ill with his newest dairy recipe.

"I'm _fat_!"

Sasori looked at Deidara and frowned. He was in nothing but a pair of boxers, one pant leg on- however not on all the way. Since he could see a good look of Deidara's body, he could see that he was absolutely far from fat. He just looked like a guy standing in his boxers mid getting dressed.  
"You're not fat."

"No! No, no! I can't get my skinny jeans on!" Deidara hopped around yanking it up only for it to get stuck at his thigh. "Look! See? _Fat_!" He grabbed at his stomach and then suffocating thigh. "They probably- oh my god...my ass is probably massive!" He shrieked, looking behind in a twirl as he tried to look at his own butt.

Sasori hid his face behind his hand. Actually, those new "thicker" thighs were incredibly sexy. Not that Deidara looked bad before. Yes he could see now that Deidara had indeed gained some weight, however it was in all the right places and for all the right reasons. Before Deidara was stick skinny, starved from instant noodles, energy drinks, Hot Cheetos and skipping meals in place of sleeping. He looked fantastic right now, but unfortunately Sasori couldn't outright say that. However he could compliment him in a more subtle way.

"You look great Deidara."

"Really?" Deidara asked looking for any reassurance that things would be okay.

"Yes, really. You just look like you eat a balanced diet, like you don't live off cereal and frozen food packs." Sasori admitted while cleaning up the spilled water. "However if you are that concerned, maybe I could cook some healthier food options. I've been meaning to eat more vegetables anyway."

"You would do that, un?"

"Of course." Sasori sighed, "I could also increase the proteins if you wanted to start working out."

"Working out..." Deidara repeated back, "well now that I'm waking up earlier, I do have more free time!"

"Wonderful. Now that's the positive attitude you should have."

Sasori was putting up a charade. He was a fake, a phony as he was sweating bullets. He was actually terrified after Deidara made a fuss about gaining weight. Yes, that's what was making the blond more attractive, but that could have easily made Deidara too scared to eat his food ever again. With quick action he needed to do damage control. Fix things. Make Deidara stay and maybe add a little less calories to his meals if that was the problem. After all he wanted to support Deidara, make him happy and keep him healthy.

If anyone forgot, Sasori really and truly liked his neighbor. And not just in a superficial way. He genuinely wanted him to be happy. A healthy Deidara was just delightful to see. At this point, the two could even be considered friends. Just the word made Sasori happy as it meant there was progress happening.

With all the money Deidara was probably saving from not having to buy his own groceries, he should have plenty of money to purchase a couple new pairs of jeans.

Sasori scoffed once Deidara was muttering about going to put on another pair of sweatpants.  
"He's not even fat. What a brat."

* * *

nonono this is not a bloating kink fic just to put it out there.  
bye bye losers


	3. Chapter 3

Deidara's social life was on the decline and he knew it. His friends especially knew as they fussed, making it vocal as they noticed the lack of him joining them for dinner and other outings. The most often they saw him was when he'd grab a coffee to go with his baggy of cookies he got from his neighbor, or a smoothie to go with a salad or other dish. That was okay, but cafes weren't sitting down meals where the entire group could sit down and have loud fun, especially when Deidara was too focused on his pre-made food.

The real problem was Deidara didn't see the point in socializing with his friends anymore. If he wasted his time away with them, focus on the word 'wasted', he may miss out on a delicious meal prepared by the one and only Sasori. The boy was already hooked and he didn't even know it.

What could be so good to eat away from home? Homemade was always the best, right? Deidara eyed his happy friend and reached over the picnic table. Tasting his friends french fries he cringed in shock. Had fries always benn that bad? Sasori made him fries a couple different times. They were fluffy and crispy, delightful rippled wedges, and seasoned lightly with a concoction of spices. A different time they were also on the thinner side, the main focus being that crisp and salty taste; not quite like a chip, but close. Not to mention the time Sasori had made yam fries... Oh how Deidara wished he had a never ending plate of those fries. Not like this crap his friend was eating. They tasted bitter, greasy and so salty! How did the potatoes get so bitter? Who needed that much salt on fries! It completely dulled his other senses and immediately coated his fingers in a greasy film after just the one.

Deidara did eventually start questioning things though. Was this really the best way for him to live? Spending his days making art, going to school, working and waiting for the next meal Sasori would invite him over to eat. What in the world happened to him? What in the world happened to the guy who loved to go out with his friends? Being rowdy and getting into mischief? It was just all too confusing since what he did know was he couldn't miss out on Sasori's amazing cooking! Humming as he wiped his hand of the grease, he was going to ask Sasori's opinion on it as the man had proven to be fairly wise.

"Do what makes you happy." Sasori simply said as he cleared the plates from their lunch. An open perspective but also a very vague one.

What did make Deidara happy? Having friends to be with or eating? Maybe he'd need to sleep on it.  
However that night what Sasori had made for dinner made the quest for answers even more difficult. Deidara was shaken to his core as he stared at his plate of food. How in the world could this even be considered leftovers? This? This was incredible. Sasori really had outdone himself this time and he hadn't even tasted it yet as he had only had a taste with his sense of sight and smell.

"My god you look good..." Deidara said catching Sasori off guard. Unsurprisingly he was talking to his plate of food, not Sasori.

"It's just something I was craving. Made a little too much. It's no big deal really." Sasori gently shook off as if it were no big deal.

Deidara gawked at Sasori and slammed a hand on the kitchen island, "No big deal! This looks like one of them fancy pants hundred plus dollar dinners you get at a gourmet steak house, un!"

"And yet it's cheaper, and I find even more delicious to eat at _home_." Sasori said, making subtle hints that staying to eat and be with him was the answer Deidara was looking for.

There on the plate was indeed a meal you would find at a five star steak house. A beautiful steak, scallops and shrimp, covered in a light bearnaise sauce with a side of yellow and green beans. It was even given the signature Sasori-look as he had presented it as if the person who was going to eat it was actual royalty.

"Are you sure I can even eat this?"

"Of course. It's either you eat it or I throw it-"

"Nooo! I'll eat it!"

Deidara sliced into the steak and started to salivate at the sight of the perfect medium rare cooked inside. The knife itself sliced through the meat like butter. There were no thick pieces of fat and certainly no gristle on this perfectly rendered, juicy piece of meat. It was glorious.

The scallops and shrimp were just as heartwarming and wonderful as well. They were cooked perfectly, golden-brown and the sides looking opaque, soft and tender, still just a little pink and not even the slightest bit rubbery. Even Deidara knew how hard scallops were to cook. This was phenomenal.

"Sheesh..."

Oh the sauce was divine. The bearnaise was not to heavy as to distract from the proteins. Of course he couldn't forget that bed of beans either. Never had Deidara had the light yellow wax beans, they were just like the green ones however with their stark contrast in colour somehow made it all the more bourgeoisie. They were cooked perfectly like everything else, not stringy and having a good chew and a squeak as they rubbed against his teeth has he chewed.

Deidara was being spoiled rotten with this particular meal. It was delicious. Never had Deidara eaten something so decadent and grand. Sasori truly had outdone himself.  
"Sasori, This has to be my favorite thing you have ever made..." he spoke with his mouthful, near to tears at the flavor pallet. "This is cooked so perfectly... I could eat this and then die happily in a massive explosion."

Sasori frowned. Weird flex, but okay.

"Yeah." Deidara moaned and took another bite of the perfectly tender steak, "This is my favorite thing of all time."

Eating at home with Sasori really was the best.

-x-

"By the way Sasori, I won't be here tonight for dinner."

Sasori nearly bit threw his fork in horror. He thought he had a firm grip on the guy, even after that fiasco a week ago with the weight thing. That talk about Deidara questioning his diminishing social life to rather spend time with him. Now he was leaving him to go out for dinner!?

"Oh, Okay." Sasori breathed in and out carefully, "I'll save you any of the leftovers and make you a mid morning snack with it. You can pick it up tomorrow morning."

"Thanks Sasori!" Deidara gushed. "You're the best!"

Back to eating the best oatmeal he had ever eaten in his life, Deidara moaned, "mmmm, who knew oatmeal could be so delicious?"

"I'm glad you're enjoying the changes. I was worried you wouldn't like eating foods with less calories."

"I didn't even notice, un!"

After last nights steak dinner and berry tart dessert, of course he didn't. Sasori was just that good.

That afternoon Sasori watched as Deidara ate his last meal. It wasn't his actual _last_ meal, but it felt like one to Sasori. He was devastated at the thought he had to eat dinner alone again. Dinner was their time together. It was the time they really got to talk, really have their personal date time. He was going to miss Deidara, especially when he was "out for dinner". Had Deidara really just up and gone, choosing a well rounded social life over him?

At the restaurant Deidara was initially excited to be with his friend again, but after looking the menu over got a little bored; as he had most of the times he would head out o a coffee shop with a friend and grab a pastry. They were awful!

The menu was fairly basic, with a few specialties. There was the usual dishes, burgers, pastas, fries, chicken strips, and more. A lot of the stuff on the menu he had already eaten at Sasori's place. Sasori versions though? He was a food wizard since they tasted like pure magic. That man could turn such normal dishes into something incredible, making them his own masterpieces.

Now that was something to be admired. Deidara thought the expression on the redhead's face was just charming as he mentioned that the food he prepared was like ephemeral art. Made, plated and presented; only to be devoured in seconds. The way Sasori's face scrunched up and that loud scowl... It was such fun to tease him, especially about his silly opinion on art. He had such a good time eating with his neighbor.

"Here is your food sir."

Deidara looked up at the waitress and thanked her as a plate filled with pasta was placed in front of him. It was a garlic, herb and butter based sauce, penne pasta and tons of vegetables. Sasori had once cooked him something similar and he loved it, this version missing a few different veggies and actual fresh homemade pasta.

It had summer squash, diced tomato, thinly sliced carrots and spinach. The one Sasori had made him also had thinly sliced eggplant, mushrooms, the pasta was handmade and it all came topped with freshly shaved Parmesan cheese. Sasori seemed to put Parmesan on everything and it was fantastic.

"Eugh..." Deidara immediately recoiled away from his dish after one bite, "blegh!"

"What's wrong Dei?" One girl asked, leaning over the table. "Don't you like it?"

One boy rolled his eyes, already knowing what was going to happen.

Deidara ignored the boy's mocking snickers and focused on the girls question as he shook his head, "No it's weird... the pasta is over cooked and the carrots are under cooked. The sauce is...it's bitter... it shouldn't be this bitter."

"Oh? Have you had this pasta before?"

"Yeah, my neighbor made it for me. His was delicious though. This...this sucks!"

Another male friend reached over the table and forked up some of Deidara's food, "I don't understand? This is really tasty Deidara!"

"No... no it's not." Deidara growled, his mind already wandering to last nights steak dinner and how each bite had made his toes curl in delight and his face burst into a smile.

"Wow Deidara. You might as well just make this neighbor of yours as your bride!" Yet another male laughed while a couple more friends soon joined in, already knowing fully well that Deidara was being fed by the older guy next door to him.

The female from earlier took a bite of his food too, "This is good Deidara... where is it bitter?"

"I think it's the garlic... they burnt the garlic. Sasori told me that garlic doesn't brown, but burns fast. Burnt garlic always ruins the dish."

"You have such refined taste buds Mr. Fanypants!" Mocked one of the guys who also went in for a bite, not minding the taste at all.

Another male coo'd, "Oooh! Mr. Fancypants can't eat peasant food, ooooh!"

Deidara took another bite of his pasta with a scowl directed at his mocking friends. He immediately regretted the bite as he shuddered at the incredibly distinctive bitter taste.  
Maybe he could get those leftovers from Sasori still when he got back home instead... He certainly wouldn't be eating out with his friends for a long time. Food that wasn't made by Sasori was so gross and the company sucked.

After giving away his doggy bag to a friend to have for another meal for another day, there was a gentle tug on his sleeve leading him a few steps away from the group. Maybe the leftovers from Sasori would have to wait a moment longer.

"Uh, Deidara... can we talk?"


	4. Chapter 4

Hidan leaned his back against the wall in the mail room and sighed as he hung out with Deidara for a moment. He still didn't get the whole situation between Sasori and him. He glared at Deidara's pleasantly fat ass.  
"Sasori must spend a fortune feeding you all that fancy food."

Deidara laughed and sifted through his mail, "don't be silly. I'm only eating his leftovers."

"Yeah? But you would think by now he would have learned to not cook so much..."

Deidara froze.

"What? Hey Deidara, are you okay?"

"I- oh, no it's okay I get it. It's an early birthday card." Deidara laughed as he read the card. "I still have a few weeks."

"Oh jeeze it's just that. You looked like you had died a little."

"Hm, Nah. Caught me off guard." Deidara chuckled reading the card over once more and then putting it back in the envelope. "Not my fault my family can't remember when my birthday is, un."

"Oh? How about I give you an early birthday present too? One that involves..." he licked his lips and stepped closer, "...me?"

Deidara snorted and shook his head, "Yeah, no thanks Hidan. I have a girlfriend."

Rushing up the stairs and down the hall, "Sasori I need comfort food!"

Sasori stared at Hidan, his shoulders slumped and a overtly pathetic pout on his lips. What an odd look for the fellow. Something must be terribly wrong in his life to be like this.  
"No. Go away."

Before Sasori could get his door closed all the way he scowled loudly as a foot was jammed in there preventing it. Hidan proceeded to stick his head in the opening and lament some more, "My heart is broken though!"

Sasori pushed back on the door a little, "Why should I care?"

"Deidara has a girlfriend!" Hidan whined, "I'm sad! Let me eat my misery away."

The pull on the door eased up a little as the news hit Sasori. Big news. Giant news. Humongous news. Terrible news! When had Deidara gotten himself a girlfriend? He knew that the blond mentioned this morning he was sulking as he spoke about going out for lunch but... Why hadn't he told him about this! This must be recent though... but when?

"A couple days ago when he went out for dinner!" Sasori cursed, letting go of the door to clench his fist in anger.

Hidan took this as an opportunity to inch his way inside more, "What's that Sasori? You know something!"

"He went out for dinner with some classmates a few days ago. He must have met a girl there!"

Oh Sasori was of course more devastated than he let on. All that hard work he put into feeding Deidara, leading the male into his bounty of delicious food and worming his way through to the blond's heart through his mouth. How could this have happened? Especially so suddenly! Deidara was always attractive and even had a personality that attracted people; yet he always was single. Suddenly...  
"Damn weight gain."

"Huh?" Hidan grunted, "ohh... you mean the few pounds Deidara put on?"

"You noticed?"

"How could I not? He looks so damn thick and sexy now!" Hidan groaned while Sasori wanted to smash that head in with his door. "Plus then he started working out! He looks so fucking hot! It's no wonder he got himself a girl!"

Of course that's how Deidara got a girlfriend. Instead of a scrawny, pretty, young and adryogenous male who couldn't afford to feed himself, he was now well fed, hotter than ever, and probably had pocket money since he didn't need to spend money on groceries because his neighbor fed him.  
"Stupid forum!" Sasori hissed.

"Forum?"

Sasori dropped all mentioning of the forum. To change the subject he opened the door all the way now and an invited Hidan in, "It's almost lunch and... I guess I have leftovers since he's probably going on a date today."

"Fuck yeah!"

-x-

Deidara came back from his date sucking back water from a bottle. He could still taste that lunch in his burps. It was awful. Whatever they did to that burger, they did it wrong. She even mentioned his distaste for restaurant food and claimed they made the best burgers around!

"No worries!" She said, "you'll love it!" She said. Like hell they were! Deidara groaned as he remembered the one magical day that Sasori first made him one of his burgers. It was a fresh hand formed patty, perfectly seasoned. It had Swiss cheese, caramelized onions, bacon bits, mushrooms and a mystery sauce. The meaty juices that dropped down his arm as he ate that burger were liquid gold as he licked the skin clean of the precious.

He covered his mouth again as he burped, the charred and seasoned taste once more coming back up, "nothing can be worse that this, what the hell... What the hell!?"

Deidara stared wide eyed as Sasori handed a plastic container to Hidan at the door. Hidan had clearly just eaten something as he hadn't bothered to fully wipe his face clean. Whatever the red that was around his lips and on his cheek, it was probably delicious and worth saving for later.

That wasn't the point though!  
Sasori had fed Hidan. Hidan was the one eating the leftovers. _His _leftovers.

"Oh hey Deidara!" Hidan called out with a huge smile. "You'll never guess what Sasori made today for lunch."

"Ah... what?"

"Chilli!" Hidan yelled, "The _best_ damn chilli I've ever had in my entire life!"

Deidara breathed in. It did smell heavenly in the hallway now that Sasori had his door opened. He still wore his stained apron at the door, new remnants of the chili on it. The look on the little chef's face was surprisingly a tinted with embarrassment, rather than the glee he would see when it was just the two of them. One could only assume Hidan was poor company.

"Yeah Yeah Deidara! It had two types of meat, hot Italian sausage and stew beef! The beef chunks were huge too! Oh it was such a nice spice too..."

"Oh Sasori's spice..." Deidara groaned as he recalled the redheads fondness for adding a kick of spice to his cooking. The delightful spice that wasn't too hot but rather brought out the essence of pure mouth watering flavour. "Oh..."

"Yeah! It was chunky and saucy and beany and covered with two types of cheese! Two! Not just the orangey one."

Sasori sighed, "_Orangey_? you mean cheddar-?"

"Yeah!"

"And the monterey jack?"

"Yeah! And I don't know how you did it, but I didn't even taste the peppers! In fact any of those vegetables! It was so good!" Hidan gushed on and on, maintaining his loud volume as he spoke happily about the food, "What were those green things on top with the sour cream?"

"...thinly sliced chives."

"Yeeeaaah!" Hidan yelled, fist raised as the delicious meal he just had was recalled. "Oh and the buttered bread for dipping..."

Deidara's lip quivered at the mere thought, "Sasori's homemade bread and freshly churned butter?"

"So good!" Hidan yelled, fists pumping in excitement as he could still taste it all.

Sasori spoke up this time, hoping to get Hidan to stop his boasting. Of course he didn't want to offend Deidara after all. He simply had leftovers and was certainly not reheating it for dinner since he already had a meat marinating.

"I hope you don't mind Deidara. You were out for lunch anyway. I had left overs, I knew where to find a hungry person. It just made sense."

Deidara waved his shaky hand and laughed, "no no it's fine. I ate... a burger for lunch."

"Was it good?" Hidan asked, as he liked those too.

"Yeah... great...un."

Sasori frowned at this.

Hidan took off down the hall humming a tune and a trot to his step, "It wasn't as great as my lunch though!" he laughed. His stomach was full of good food and he had finally gotten a taste of what drove Deidara gaga in regards to the cooking. He could only dream of one day coming back to eat another meal at the upstairs apartment. Maybe Deidara having a girlfriend wasn't such a bad thing after all.

"Deidara. Won't you come inside?" Sasori attempted, wondering if all was truly for loss.

If that burger was really that good, Deidara would be full and have no reason to come inside. Perhaps he would be happily full and still want Sasori's company? Or maybe, just maybe the burger was bad and the blond needed to depend of Sasori yet again; company and all. Maybe he could taint those taste buds, even with just a light snack.

"Sure, un."

Sasori and Deidara sat down where the redhead instinctively made some coffee and placed a plate of peanut butter cookies he had made earlier in the morning.

"Thank you!" Deidara sighed heavily as he downed that cookie so fast to get any remnants of that burger out of his mouth. Instead his mouth was being coated in thick salty, crunchy peanut butter cookies; a mixture of chocolate and actual peanut butter drizzle over every one of them, "These are delicious Sasori! I love the actual peanut pieces. I've only ever had, like, plain ones before!"

"I'm glad." Sasori said, keeping composure when all he wanted to do was ask his neighbor all about his girlfriend. Was this a serious thing? How far have they gone? Did they really meet while out for dinner that one evil night?

He couldn't pry though.

"So Hidan tells me you have a girlfriend? Is she... pretty?" He mumbled, getting some vegetables out to prepare for later.

Or maybe he could.

Deidara opened his phone and slid it across the table so he could drink his coffee in peace.

While he did that, Sasori put his knife to the side and picked it up. Looking down, he saw some photos of the girl from her Instagram. Of course she was very pretty. Petite, stylish and young. Sasori narrowed his eyes at what her aesthetic was. Anime boys, purple crystals and white flowers. He couldn't base an opinion of someone off just their aesthetic though... Sasori glanced at Deidara in the clothing he wore while at his lunch date.

Or maybe he could. He certainly was dressed... flamboyant? Not the like the casually dressed blond at all. Deidara spent way too much time on his outfit and appearance today. The couple could have easily been mistaken for lesbians if they were glanced over too quickly.

What was very prominent after a second glance at the girlfriend, was that based off a photo of her, he could easily tell she was a shorter creature than Deidara.  
"You must like to have such a short girl."

Deidara nearly choked on his coffee as he burst out laughing, "Okay you're right you got me! She's shorter than me thank goodness. I don't think I could be with a tall girl." he said, dangling his legs playfully as he thought about his less than stellar height.

Sasori in return sheepishly spread his legs behind the counter, giving the illusion he was shorter. "Don't want to stand on your tiptoes to kiss a girl?" He joked, getting back to slicing vegetables, legs still spread.

"Haha! It just reminds me of kissing my little sister, that's all.

"Ah Yes, Kurotsuchi." Sasori chuckled as he recalled meeting the girl briefly when Deidara first moved in, days before he would even speak, let alone look at the blond. They didn't have a long interaction, it simply went along the lines of, "Warning, he's loud. If he's too quiet for days he's dead. Please check up on him if that's the case. He's my only big brother."

That is how he met Deidara- yelling at him for being too loud.

They had even talked about Deidara's family at length over their meals together. Two siblings, a father, a stepmom and the worlds worst grandparent. Sasori fought him heavily on that. There was discussion on which was worse, the scars of mental or physical abuse. In the end they both agreed they were both terrible and had a toast to their truly awful grandparents.

"How is she doing by the way?"

Deidara laughed as he thought about his stack of mail earlier that morning, "She sent me a birthday card but it came a bit early."

Sasori smiled slightly as thought of his grandmothers rambling cards. They were honestly terrible and were less about him than they were about her neighbor's barking dog. Any moment they were about him they were just criticism.

"How early was it?"

"About two weeks." Deidara devoured another cookie with his mouth full of sticky peanut butter residue, "Really caught me off guard I tell you."

"No doubt."

"Oh by the way Sasori! I have something for you." Deidara suddenly jumped up from his seat, rubbing his face clean of crumbs with the back of his arm and running out the door. "Stay there!"

"Where would I go?" Sasori mumbled to himself, standing up straight again and leaning over to clean Deidara's mess of crumbs and coffee dribbles. When he was done, he wiped his hands on his stained apron and sighed, wondering what could be taking so long. Guess he could chop some more veggies...

A few more minutes passed until his door swung open, Deidara standing there with a gift bag in hand. "Sasori, Sasori I got it! This is for you!"

Sasori's eyes widened at the gift bag and he quickly washed his hands. Deidara said this was for him, right? Not something for his girlfriend he needed advice on! He never dreamed of getting something from Deidara. It always seemed as if he was the one doing all the giving with his cooking and all- and Deidara did all the taking.

Sasori opened the gift and was at first confused at the lump of decorative fabric. It was pretty- pretty strange. Red and golden brown, textures and an almost lattice design? It looks like pie fabric!

Unraveling it Sasori looked at it with an unwavering expression of confusion. It was a apron no doubt, a full body coverage with a convenient pocket in the front. That didn't explain the pie pattern however.

"Get it!? It's cherry pie, un!" Deidara said with such vigor and pride, like he had done something worth an actual award.

Sasori nodded, "Ah... Oh!"

It was ridiculous. He hated it. However one thing stood out as he stared at it a little longer. The fact Deidara took notice of his ratty apron and also,

"Cherry pie, my favorite dessert. It's great Deidara. Thank you."

"Yeah! I knew it was the right choice!" Deidara gave a mighty fist pump in victory, "the lady at the store said a man would rather have a plain black or a white one, but nope! Not after I saw the pie, un!"

Sasori smiled and put the gift down, not really looking forward to wearing such a ridiculous apron. Sure it would only be seen by Deidara, who frankly was the only one who was excited about it. Still the embarrassment that came from the garment was all the same.

"Why don't you put it on?" Deidara asked, face contorted in sadness and frustration.

"I already have this one dirty. When I throw it in the wash, I'll use the...pie one."

Deidara leaned forward over the counter, getting right into Sasori space, and gave the apron a tug, "Why not just throw it out?" he asked.

Grasping at his apron, Sasori immediately got defensive. This was the apron he learned to cook such great meals with! This was the apron he wore when he first started courting Deidara. This was the apron he wore while Deidara was still a single man. This apron had such wonderful and treasured memories. Sasori scowled as he got started putting his vegetables in a dish, seasoning them them and covering them up quickly and slow baking them for later in the oven.

"Sentimental are we, un?" Deidara joked, sitting back in his seat, noting the lack of response he got. "That's fine, that's fine. You look fine."

"What?" Sasori scowled, looking over his shoulder. Something about fines? Is the coffee just fine? Deidara had complimented the cookies, but not the coffee. Was it strange today?

"Nothing, Sasori." Deidara laughed, admiring his neighbors work ethic as he cooked his transient art. It wasn't often he got to see Sasori do the actual cooking in front of him. "Mmm, everything is delicious as always."

* * *

5/5 the day the day.. happy bday deidara  
bye losers!


	5. Chapter 5

Thankfully their meals together didn't stop. They still had breakfast together, and even dinners for the most part. Most of the time though, Deidara would take his new lady on lunch date and the very occasional dinner. He tried his best to avoid dinners as they were where he would have to consume the most foul food. Lunch time he could get something small and fill up on a beverage. Thankfully Sasori couldn't ruin those for him.

He did brew a mean coffee though.

Sometimes Deidara would even save his midday snack that Sasori would make him for their lunch dates, just to say to her that it was part of his diet. Like Sasori though, she was adamant he did not need to lose weight but was all for him gaining more muscle; so she wholeheartedly accepted his poor excuse.  
Thank god.

Curious, Deidara was wondering how long things could go on like this. Eventually she would want to have more dinners together. What if she... wanted to make him breakfast?

"Blegh." he groaned, thinking about the one time they ate at a small coffee shop where she had fried eggs, avocado and toast for lunch. The toast and avocado looked fine; but those eggs? Yikes! Those egg whites looked so rubbery and over done, and then she further ruined them with...with... ketchup AND mayonnaise! On a fried egg!? With the avocado toast!

Deidara shuddered at the thought. What a horrid taste pallet! Thank goodness he didn't have to eat her cooking!

"Oh no..." he gasped, holding his chest. What if one day she did want to cook for him? How to he eat her cooking without puking knowing the crap she eats? "Let's hope that day doesn't come for a long time, un."

Sasori still enjoyed Deidara's company, even though he knew the blond was taken. He hadn't given up. He couldn't give up. He was in love damn it! Besides, the blond was still hooked on his cooking so he was still in the race for his affection. At least that was the pretty lie he liked to tell himself as he poured his heart into every meal he made for his neighbor, begging internally that it could be tasted.  
Walking away from his stack of cookbooks, he was caught off guard by the door knocking. He was shocked and very tempted to slam the door in this visitors face, but knew he couldn't.

"Heya Sasori! I ran into this little lady near the apartment and she wanted to talk to you!" Hidan said with a huge smile, holding no malice. How could he? He didn't know this was the vixen that stole Sasori's dream man. This was the kind lady who nudged Deidara away from Sasori so Hidan could squeeze on in there and get a little yummies.

"Oh... hello." Sasori mumbled, inching behind his door to hide.

"Hello you must be Sasori!" The girl almost yelled as she thrust out a hand and forcibly opening the door and taking Sasori's into it, "I was wondering if you could tell me what Deidara's favorite dinner is!"

Sasori stared at the hand holding his. He wanted to gnaw off the tight grip but didn't. Instead he took a deep breath, "What may I ask for?"

"His birthday, silly! Does he have a favorite cake too?"

He wanted to faint. This girl was going to be cooking Deidara's birthday dinner? He wanted to cook Deidara his birthday dinner! It wasn't fair!  
"Uh... I can get the recipes for you." He said, containing his misery as he knew he wouldn't get to pamper the blond with food on his birthday. Now what was he going to get him? A scented candle? A pocket knife? What did college boys even like- a video game maybe? What kind though!

This was such an inconvenience.

The girl walked on into Sasori home and hummed loudly as she caught whiff of what Sasori was cooking. There on the counter was a glass bowl with golden frosting, and an illuminated oven with something baking inside, "May I take a peek?" she asked, already having a good clue what it was.

"Sure." Sasori mumbled, looking through his recipe box for the one in particular. He already had it memorized, but finding it was something else. Plus he needed to find a good cake recipe. Deidara didn't have a favorite that he knew of, so he decided to pick something not too difficult to screw up.

Opening it a peek, she stared at what looked like four perfect cinnamon buns, the smell of apples hitting her nostrils as well. On the counter she got a better look at what was in the bowls. The golden frosting looked like homemade caramel sauce to drizzle on the glistening, sticky, apple-cinnamon buns. Plus there was a smaller bowl with crushed candied pecans that also looked like they were toasted and candied by Sasori himself.

"This is incredible... I can't wait to cook something just as tasty for Deidara!"

Sasori scoffed at the remark. Cooking like he did wasn't a cake walk. It was hard work, the ability to multitask, the power to use your time wisely, and using a refined pallet. Getting up he handed her the two recipes, "I made this dinner for Deidara once and he absolutely loved it. He talked about it for days. As for the cake, this is a good all around basic one that he should be very happy with."

The girl pouted, "no fancy cake?"

Rolling his eyes, Sasori sighed, "If you make that dinner for him, he'll be more than impressed. Time things right and keep an eye on everything. It's not a easy meal to prepare."

Laughing, the girl took the recipe cards, "I'm a great chef! Deidara will love it!"

If it was made by the girl he liked?

"Yeah, I'm sure he will."

-x-

On the day of Deidara's birthday, it started like any other. He came to Sasori's and ate a delicious breakfast of crepes. Sasori decided that since he could only cook for him once today, he might as well go all out.

"Happy birthday." Sasori smiled as he popped a small party popper, sliding the empty crepe across the table for Deidara to fill with whatever he wanted from the array of fillings. "I'm no good with gifts, but I can make a mean crepe."

Deidara gushed and thanked Sasori profusely, eager to dig in to his breakfast that looked so amazing. This was surely not a diet breakfast, that's for sure. It was his birthday though! Who cares about diets? These crepes were going in his stomach pronto!  
"Ohhh it's so delicious, un!" Deidara moaned as whipped cream and berry sauce failed to make it into his mouth. He was already excited to try the chocolate banana one next, and then the strawberry cheesecake one. In fact, he couldn't wait to see what Sasori was making for dinner!

This morning he smiled wide as he got to watch Sasori skillfully make the thin pastries, cooking them to golden perfection. It was a meal and a show that would meet its artistic climax as he dug his fork and knife into it to destroy and devour it.

Once Deidara was out the door, Sasori was left to pout and snack on the leftover sliced strawberries since he ate a savory crepe. Of course he would be frowning, soon his beloved Deidara would be at school, eating lunch with his buddies, work, and then coming home to his girlfriend preparing his favorite dish.  
He could already tell that Deidara wouldn't be joining him for breakfast tomorrow.

Oh how Deidara wanted to gag. His friend whom sat right beside him- his lunch smelled so bad! Even though they took him to a more upscale restaurant; what that chef concocted, it stunk! Unfortunately his friends wouldn't let him order a simple salad. Instead he ordered the salmon and didn't have any trouble eating it. Sure it was a little bland and he found a few bones, but it wasn't terrible. He would hope the food was good based on how expensive it was! Still- What was wrong with that dish beside him? It was so smelly!

In the end, he was given his gifts and teased mercilessly about his fancy tastebuds. "Of course he would be able to eat the food here!" and "Princess Deidara eating his fancy fiiiish!"

Why did he even hang out with these people? They were so irritating! He just wanted to eat delicious food and have a decent conversation like he would with Sasori. Now that was a real gentleman to have a meal with. How was the guy single? He was definitely charming, handsome, talented and delightfully quirky.

"Is that fish that good Princess Deidara? You're smiling like crazy!"

Deidara glared at the guy, "Shut up, un."

While Deidara was at work, his girlfriend stopped by Sasori's house with grocery bags. Time for her plan to be set in motion, she just needed to get into Deidara's place - which is where Sasori stepped in to help. Then he'd be off on his way!

"There." He mumbled, opening the apartment with the spare key the blond had given him.

"Thank you!"

Sasori returning to his solitude didn't last long as his door was quickly pounded on yet again, "What?"

"Deidara doesn't have a barbecue."

"And?"

"Pfft. I'm making steak..."

"..."

"I can see from Deidara's porch into yours. You have one. Let me use it."

"Okay..."

Sasori watched from a distance as the pushy girl tried to use it. Tried. Within a few minutes she was staring at him, begging eyes pleading for help to turn it on. As he turned it on he frowned. Why was she making the meat so early? She should be making the cake first as the meat took about five minutes to render, fifteen minutes to cook and five to rest. Did she even render the fat yet? What kind of meat did she buy?  
He looked at the piece of meat and frowned, "This isn't the type that's on the recipe card." he noted as he stared at what was on the barbecue as he helped her.

"It's just steak. All steak is good! Besides, this one was much cheaper. The one you suggested, they were smaller and so expensive!"

"It's a prime cut..." Sasori mumbled, "It's better."

Deidara _deserved_ better.

"It's small! I need more food to cook for my man." she snorted.

Sasori turned off the barbecue making her scowl and gave him a strange look.  
"That's why there is the seafood. Have you started the cake?" he asked, staring harsh back.

"Uh, no?"

"Make the cake first. Bake it, be sure to let it cool and then frost it or you will end up with a huge mess." He walked inside and handed her one of his cake stands that he knew Deidara didn't already have and that she didn't bring with her. "Then come back over to make the meat."

She huffed a bit but went back to Deidara's place to start the cake. He knew what he was doing after all.

About a little less than hour later she came back with a smile and her steak. Again Sasori stared at it, wondering why the fat on it hadn't been rendered. The piece she bought was very fatty and of poor quality. He wouldn't dream of feeding that to Deidara.  
"You didn't render the fat..."

"See, I don't know what that means exactly and I've made steaks before and never did it and it came out fine. Besides, doesn't fat add flavour? I do know how to cook you know. Maybe that's why you do so many unnecessary things?"

Sasori was appalled. Him? Him do unnecessary things!? Was this woman insane!  
Taking a deep breath he stepped back, "Alright fine. Do it your way." and went back inside.  
He looked at the clock and raised a brow. It was still early. How did she bake and decorate that layered cake so fast? Maybe she did a simple decoration... even though she wanted to do something fancy?  
"I sure hope she listened to me when I told her to cool the cake before decorating it."

While the girl cooked, Sasori glanced over. She sure was cooking the hell out of that if she was going for a soft medium rare meat. He would have helped her, but she did insult him and had made it very clear she was capable.

Finally when she was done, "you can turn it off now. Thanks for letting me use it. I think I will use your advice and render it."

"Do you know what that means now?"

"I did a quick google search and it means to cook it in a pan to get the fat off."

Sasori looked at the brown meat and then back to her, "but you already cooked the meat..."

"So? I can still render it can't I?"

"No."

"Well I'm sure I can!" She said with a smile as she rushed to render the meat and get started on the beans, sauce and then the seafood last. At least Sasori hopes she would do it in that order. The worst thing she could do was to cook the seafood and leave it to get cold, then toss it in the microwave to reheat it.

He shuddered at the thought of ruining those lovely scallops and delicious little shrimp.

The door slammed open and Sasori stared wide eyed at the girl. How dare she barge in like this!

"My cake collapsed!"

Raised brows, Sasori already knew what she did wrong, "Did you let the cake cool before you iced it like I said?"

"Uh, no! Everyone knows warm cake is better than cold cake!"

Sasori rushed over and while she rendered the steak, he tried his best to salvage the layers of cake that slid right off the cake stand. He had to scrape off the icing, rush back to his place and make a new batch as he glared at the tub of bought stuff she used. Disgusting! He restacked the cake and he iced it professionally. He left the cake plain and left her a few full piping bags to give it some simple decorations to cover any mistakes. She did want it 'fancy' after all.

Sprinkles? Fancy? What a joke.

"Good! No pink." She said, testing a steak.

Dear lord.

As he went to leave the girl, he went pale. There she was boiling the green beans in one pot and making scallops in the pan. The bearnaise sauce wasn't even done! Scallops last! Scallops last! It even said that on the recipe card. You can reheat the sauce slowly on the stove, but for the love of all that is sacred and delicious, you cannot reheat a scallop!

Deidara was dating a complete and utter fool! How was he being replaced by her?

Sasori watched as she slid the steaks into the oven in an attempt to keep them warm. In other words, cook them even more. As she bent over towards the over he scowled and looked at his own behind. Now he could see what Deidara saw in her over him.  
Guess it was time to go home and sulk some more, thinking over all the times Deidara saw him reach into the oven with his pathetic little butt in the air.

Another knock on his door and Sasori scowled. He was so miserable, he didn't even put an ounce of effort into tonight's cooking. Every time he opened the fridge he was mocked by the delicious and gourmet ingredients he had purchased for Deidara's dinner.

"Deidara?"

"I smell barbecue!" Deidara chimed loudly with a smile, ready to eat whatever Sasori just finished making him for his birthday dinner.

"Actually... maybe you should head home first."

"Why? That's weird... I'm hungry what's for dinner, man?"

"Put your stuff in your place."

Deidara pouted and went to his door and was shocked to see his girlfriend and the smell of dinner. He looked at Sasori with wide and worried eyes.

"Sasori told me your favorite dinner and gave me some recipe card so ta-daaa! Happy birthday, sweetie!"

Deidara's look of fear immediately relaxed. If they were Sasori's recipe cards there was nothing to fear. And something that was his favorite? Was that why he smelled barbecue? What could it be...

"Steak!" Deidara smiled as he looked at the plate. Sure it wasn't plated nearly as nice as Sasori did it, but it had all the elements. From the steak, even though this one looked different, really dark...to the... just green beans? No white? The seafood was there! So was the bernaise! Still, it was Sasori's recipe. Things would be great.

"Buh-bye, Sasori!" The girl said as she shoved him out the door.

Oh how Sasori wanted to hit that pushy girl.

Deidara ignored the two and stabbed his meat, noting immediately how his fork could not penetrate it. The more he sawed at it with his knife, the more dry flaky bits scattered away on the shriveled meat.  
"Uh-huh..." 

* * *

one more ok? bye for now losers ~


	6. Chapter 6

The next morning Sasori stood in his kitchen in front of his stove staring into space. Last night he was so sad he ate his sad little dinner and went to bed early. He glanced down and touched at the apron Deidara got him, recalling the smile on his sweet beloved neighbors face when he gave it to him.

He was giving up on Deidara. This whole "the way to a man's heart is through his stomach" was nothing but a fantasy. This fairytale was now coming to an end.

Still he was sad, yes, so he was in need of encouragement. In other words? He needed to eat his misery away with an extravagant breakfast of soft boiled eggs over homemade English muffins, topped with hollandaise sauce. The bitter thoughts of the night prior made him need to drown his misery in cooking. He needed a good meal to eat his feelings away until he felt full and not numb. Of course though, he made too much, this time by accident. He was just too used to feeding Deidara by now.

Perfect for the engorging.

As he sat down, the door bell rang. Surprisingly, there was Deidara, ready for breakfast as per usual and ready to start the day with a tasty meal.

"What's on the menu? I need to cleanse my pallet, pronto!" Deidara gushed, pushing right on in, smelling the air as Sasori's delicious cooking had yet again filled the apartment. "Ooh that smells so good!"

Of course Sasori was bewildered beyond compare and of course he wasn't going to just turn Deidara away. If anything, Sasori approved of _this_ pushy behavior.

"Where is she?" Sasori said as he slid Deidara his meal, which was technically his original plate of food.

"Oh? Uh yeah, I threw up on her."

"You what!?"

"Yeah, ugh, I couldn't look at her much longer after I ate that crap. Then I threw up on her 'cause the food was so bad. I'm going to dump her sometime next week, un."

Thank goodness he didn't get food poisoning!

Sasori quickly turns around to hide his wide smile as he fished out the next boiling eggs, dishing himself up some of the breakfast. "I told her what meal you would like, what was wrong with it? She told me she was a good cook!"

Oh who was he kidding? He knew she was a terrible cook. She did have a nice ass though.

Deidara scoffed so loudly that it made Sasori jump a little, "The steak was soo over done! It was so dry, charred and fatty unlike yours! She cooked the seafood until it was rubber. I saw it come out of the microwave!" Sasori cringed, "The sauce was over seasoned with salt and the beans! They were frozen-" Sasori gasped in horror. "-and over cooked to mealy mush!" Deidara hit the kitchen island with his palm and leaned over the table, "She even used margarine on the beans."

Sasori covered his mouth. Speechless.

"Margarine, my man. Mar-ga-rine."

Shaking his head in disbelief, Sasori was at a moment lost for words, "But-but...everyone knows that you can believe it's not butter!"

"You butter believe she didn't though!" Deidara scowled, and took another bite of his food, moaning in delight as the sauce and yolk coated the inside of his mouth and soaked into his taste buds. "My god this is delicious... hey!"

"What?"

"You're wearing the pie apron I bought you, un!"

Sasori didn't look down, rather he kept a straight face and raised a hand to the collar of his shirt, tugging on it, "No I am not."

"My man, I can see it."

"Yeah- well!" Sasori huffed and and leaned over the counter, hunching his body so the apron was hidden, "That other one WAS getting old."

"You look very good in it..."

"Hm?"

"Just as I pictured." Deidara chimed, batting his eyelashes as he leaned on his elbows.

Sasori groaned, how dare this brat be a flirty with him! How dare he be such a rude tease as usual.  
"So you're going to be single again, huh?" Sasori then asked, taking a bite of his food, "Welcome back to the club I guess..."

"Speaking of single, why are _you_ still single, un?"

The egg slid right off Sasori's silverware.  
"Excuse me?"

"You're handsome, own your own place, you're an amazing chef and have a stable, well paying job and an interesting art hobby. I don't get it."

Sasori sighed and held up his mug of coffee skywards, "Unrequited love."

"Oh...oh?"

Taking a sip as he brought his mug back down, Sasori watched Deidara's expression change into a variety.  
"You okay?" he asked.

"Yeah but... I just feel bad about your situation, un."

"Ahh... don't be." He hummed staring into his dark brewed coffee, almost as if he was unable to make eye contact with his neighbor again. "I learned a new talent and got a new hobby I guess. I also like mushrooms now."

Deidara narrowed his eyes, "What? Mushrooms?"

"Nothing, nothing."

Oh how Sasori was hurting inside. Deidara would never know his feelings if he couldn't taste them. Wait a moment...  
"Deidara! I originally wanted to make a dinner for you for your birthday. Your girlfriend showed up at my place and claimed that spot though... do you think I could still make you something- maybe tonight?"

Deidara stared at Sasori surprised. He wanted to specifically make him something?  
"So I won't be eating your leftovers?" he asked, sitting up at the news.

"Of course not. You'd be my special guest."

"So you're specifically inviting me over for a dinner... for a dinner just for me, un?"

Sasori narrowed his eyes ever so slightly as he was confused, "Well... yes." he mumbled. Weren't all the dinners specifically for him?

Deidara turned pink. One of Sasori's gourmet meals made just for him? Not leftovers? Could it be that Sasori was maybe asking him out?  
"Oh, Okay..." he said, brushing the hair out of his face and behind his ear before taking another bite. "Mm... what time should I be here at?"

"The usual. Six-thirty."

Deidara went to school, avoided his girlfriend and friends, ate a quick delicious lunch with Sasori and went to work. He couldn't wait a moment longer to rush home as fast as possible before six-thirty. He had to get ready after all.  
Once home, Deidara showered, reapplied his make up, got dressed in his best clothes and stood in front of his mirror absolutely shaking. Was this being dressed up too much? Sasori did compliment him on his casual wear and did mention that one time he dressed for a date that he was over doing it.

So he did simplify it. His new slim fit black jeans and a pale blue, short sleeve, button up shirt. Simple. Natural. Simple. Relaxed. Simple.

At Sasori's door though he fanned his face to calm himself. This was no big deal, even if it felt like one for some reason! Just a casual dinner invitation; like always. This time however Sasori was making a special meal just for him!

Which was a first...

Well, now that he thought about; Sasori changed his whole eating lifestyle at one point for him when he noticed he needed to start dieting. At no point did Sasori need to diet. When did he start inviting him over in the first place? It had been so long now. Before then he had hardly ever saw his cranky neighbor. At what point did Sasori stop being cranky anyway? He still had his rough edges, yes, but most of the time he was as sweet as his desserts.

Deidara turned even pinker. He knew Sasori was a great catch, but-

It was too bad he didn't have a moment longer to think or even relax as the door swung open. There stood a well dressed Sasori in a tight black turtleneck and brown slacks, confidently wearing his cute cherry pie apron.  
"Well? Come on in birthday boy." Sasori said, the opened door immediately gushing out the savory aroma of dinner.

"O-okAY." Deidara said, his voice cracking.

Sitting down at the table, Sasori immediately joined him as he placed two plates down. Two plates filled with something new and looking remarkably delicious.

"What's on the menu tonight Chef no Danna?" Deidara said more confidently after clearing his throat.

Sasori rolled his eyes at the title, "Tonight I've made for you a crusted, oven roasted rack of lamb, brown butter radishes and whole white mushrooms, and in this little dish is a carrot soufflé."

The meat was tender pink on the inside with the acclaimed crust around it. The browned radishes still held their pinkish skin hue that went wonderfully with the golden mushrooms and the dish filled with a cheesy, eggy, carrot soufflé that just looked perfect. It was ready to be cracked into and devoured.

"Oh my god this looks so good." Deidara said, admiring the different techniques and the fact he was having damn lamb for dinner. Lamb! After a bite? Delicious lamb! "This is... this is so good!"

Sasori smiled as he watched Deidara enjoy the food. How could he think he could give up on the blond? Watching Deidara enjoy his cooking just made him so happy. However he wouldn't let his heart get hurt anymore. If Deidara couldn't taste the love he poured into this meal; he would step back and leave the boy be. No more pining sadly for his heart would move on.

"This carrot soufflé is so flavorful!"

"I'm glad you like it." He said giving his own a taste. "It is good... definitely a keeper."

Gesturing to everything on the table Deidara said with a wide smile, "All of this is a keeper!"

Sasori smiled sadly in return. Everything just on the table huh? Guess he's not a keeper though.

After dinner Sasori came back with a simple looking white cake topped with a rich chocolate ganache. Well, that is until you saw the giant translucent sugar sculpture on the top. Something that was definitely up Deidara's alley in terms of transient art and had him gawking.

"Whoa! That's so pretty, un! Ooh, ohh! It's art! True art!"

"Just wait until I cut it..." Sasori said as he sliced it open, revealing many thin layers of chocolate and vanilla cake. The ridiculously thin layers of a spartak cake. It was beautiful. "There."

"Wooooow!"

Sasori's smile grew even more as he saw Deidara's eyes glisten in delight as he took a bite of his belated birthday cake as soon as it was placed in front of him. It made all that effort he put into that ridiculous isomalt sculpture seem worth it.

The smile didn't go unnoticed as Deidara for once looked up and away from his free meal. He had spent so long admiring the food Sasori made for him while he ate it, or while he was in the process of cooking it. However he never paid an ounce of attention to Sasori's expression as he ate the redheads cooking, not even once. Today's meal tasted different than the usual ones he got from the redhead. Something strange, but not in a bad way. Was this one more delicious? Like all the meals he had been given though, this one was just as addictive. After another bite and a moment of eye contact with Sasori, he noted that it wasn't that.

By this point Sasori noticed Deidara staring, "Does it taste bad?"

"No... no it's delicious... really delicious."

"You don't sound as happy though... I'm sorry, there must be something wrong with the cake, Ah jeeze." Sasori panicked. The only logical reason why Deidara wouldn't be acting strange was...

_Oh no! Deidara could taste his love now and he decided he didn't like it!_

"Sasori you're a really good chef. When did you start cooking? Did you go to culinary school at all, un?"

Well this was a new conversation. Usually the blond talked about himself or his art. Shaking his head, "No I'm self taught. I've been cooking for almost a year now. Again, it's just a hobby thing." Sasori said.

Deidara hummed. So Sasori started cooking well before he came over for that first dish of rosé pasta. That meal was different than the one he was eating now, and not just because they were completely different. Still, Sasori said he had unrequited love and learned a new hobby. Was the hobby he learned the hobby of cooking? Did he learn to cook for the person he loves?  
Frowning, Deidara took a big bite of his cake. That must have meant when Sasori invited him with leftovers that first time; Sasori was stood up. All that extra food with no one to feed? Of course he'd give it away. All those times he fed him after that were Sasori wallowing in sadness as he fed him the food that would have been made for the person he loved.

"Deidara if it's gross, please don't be pressured to eat it!" Sasori called out as Deidara scarfed down the last of his slice.

"No..." Deidara mumbled going for another slice of cake and taking another huge bite, "no it's really, really delicious..."

"Then why do you look so sad?"

"You're only feeding me because you got rejected."

Sasori's eyebrows shot up. Had Deidara figured it out? He had been rejected by Deidara and that he indeed continued to feed him even more. He wanted to win Deidara's heart through his stomach even when all hope was lost.

"I guess I am... sorry."

"So I was never eating real leftovers huh? Just the meals for your imaginary love life."

"Well that's not entirely true..." Sasori spoke carefully, "I poured my whole heart into every meal for- "

"Stop it Sasori." Deidara grabbed the entire platter of cake this time and moving it on from of him, crudely forking up mouthfuls and grabbing at the sugar sculpture, breaking off pieces and eating it. "How- mmn, how do you...you think I should feel after eating all these meals prepared...with mmn...someone else, someone you love so dearly in mind, hm?"

"Yeah but Deidara, listen... wait."

Deidara looked up, icing, crumbs and a pout all over his face, "What!" He yelled, then stuffing his fingers into his mouth to lick frosting and other sweet bits off.

Sasori leaned over the kitchen island, "I made these for you though."

"What?"

Narrowing his eyes and tilting his head down, "whooo...else would I cook for?" Sasori asked, lost in Deidara's banter at this point.

"And- and the rosé pasta!?"

"The first dish I made you? That was just a successful meal. Well, I had been practicing for months and was so proud of it I wanted you to eat it right away. You liked it and I wanted you to come back for breakfast. If you liked breakfast so I wanted you back for lunch!"

"Wait, So you made something delicious... something you have been practicing for months and have to invite me over right away to eat it, hm?"

Sasori paled. He had said too much. Way too much.

Deidara took a few more bites of his cake, "were you never stood up?"

"Stood up? When was I stood up? I haven't had a date in years." Sasori admitted. Although he was certainly not going to admit he dreamed that the meals he shared with him were dates. Those fantasies were going to be kept to himself for along time; lest he want to appear to be a bigger loser than Deidara already thinks he is.

Taking another big bite of the cake, Deidara took in this new amount of information. It was a bit much for him to chew. The information, not the cake. He was fine with the cake, in fact, went back for another bite.  
If Sasori was never stood up, he wanted to prepare the food for Deidara, if the cooking was a new hobby like he once claimed...

A flashback to dinner: Sasori ate the mushrooms on his plate!

"Wait wait waaait, mmm... wait...mmn ahm I yuhr unrekented ruv?"

Sasori didn't say a word and just stared at the mess of the blond. He had actually been watching the guy for awhile now as he downed the entire cake. The thing was gone now! He didn't even get to taste it, Deidara just ate and ate and ate without touching his coffee to help it go down. Cake was everywhere. Bits on the counter, on his hands face and shirt. Deidara was a mess!

"Um... So I take you liked the cake?" He asked, avoiding the question.

"It was delicious! More delicious than usual okay? Now answer the damn question! Do you love me!?"

Freezing up, Sasori had no idea how to handle this situation. He had done what the forum had said to avoid being the first one to admit their feelings. He wanted Deidara to fall in love with him, become depended on him, desire him. Not to become angry and demand a confession!

Maybe it was time to just be honest.

"Well, I like the man that's under all that cake."

"What!?" Deidara slammed his hands on the table as he stood up, noticing his hand landed in something sticky; cake. "Oh?"

He touched his face and felt the crumbs and looked down at both hands, in fact as he looked down he saw his messy shirt and the empty cake platter. "Did I do that?" He asked pointing to where his birthday cake was.

"Yes."

Deidara's face turned bright red and he quickly covered his filthy mouth. Getting up, he ran to the bathroom to clean up and ponder a moment on Sasori's words. There wasn't anymore cake to viciously eat while he thought about his neighbor.

Sasori liked him! He washed his face, using handfuls of waters as he scrubbed his mouth free of the cake. Sasori loved him! He had said it was unrequited love! Sasori had even learned to cook for him; a poor lowly college student with hardly enough money to feed himself after rent and utilities.

Gourmet meals at that. Delicious ones. And then Deidara went and got himself a girlfriend... oh how the hand that once washed his face changed as it now slammed into his forehead.

Deidara had thought it once and he would think it again, Sasori was a real catch of a man. Sasori had probably already caught on to why he was acting so weird when he ran off. Once he steps back out there, he'll be faced with Sasori's feelings. Smacking his lips, Deidara could still taste the sweet icing and the deep ganache that had coated his mouth. It was delicious, just like how the meal had been more delicious than usual.

"Okay! I'm back."

Sasori turned away from his dish washing, nervous for what was to come next. When Deidara was nervous he ate, when Sasori was nervous he cleaned. He needed to focus on Deidara now though.

"Are you okay? You ran out of here pretty fast. Are you sure the food was okay? You didn't get sick because of it did you?"

Deidara chuckled as Sasori still lingered on the topic of him actually liking the food.

"Sasori! Again, the food was delicious. In fact it was better than ever. Did you add a secret ingredient or something, un?"

"Only all my undying love for you..." is what Sasori would have liked to say. He didn't though.

"No nothing out of the ordinary. I'm glad you aren't sick from it. I really got worried there for a moment you were going to throw up."

Deidara laughed as he did run out of the room into the bathroom covering his mouth, "No! Just embarrassed I ate like such a pig. I swear I've never done anything like that before!" He covered and rubbed his face, "ugh, it was just so tasty and I was flustered and... ugh... Sasori Seriously dinner tonight was so good! Are you for certain you didn't at least add an extra cup of love in that cake or something?"

"C-cup... of love?"

_Sasori poured the whole damn bag of love in that cake._

"Save it Sasori. I know you like me and that's okay!"

Oh Sasori wanted to die! He was certain they had managed to gloss over that bit just enough. Just enough to distract Deidara and move him to a new topic.

"Uhh..."

"Sasori to be honest, I'm really flattered."

"Are you... even gay?"

"Seriously? It's obvious I am. Bisexual actually, but male leaning."

Sasori was a little speechless. He assumed after watching Deidara turn Hidan down repeatedly, he was straight and Hidan was an idiot. The idiot status stands, but even Sasori knew the man was very attractive; he was rather smelly though. Really loud too. Then there was Deidara going a getting himself a girlfriend and all. Of course he'd think Deidara was straight!

Still, hearing that Deidara was gay and flattered-

"So, where do we go from here?" Sasori asked, stiff as a board.

Deidara scoffed, "I want to hear you admit your true feelings, un."

Appalled, "My true feelings!? I just spent hours pour my entire heart and soul into that last meal hoping to win your heart through your stomach! 'A cup of love'!? Bullshit! That was all I had in the pantry!"

"You done?"

Sasori huffed a moment. Deidara knew he had a bit of a short fuse, but Sasori didn't want to snap while confessionng his feelings. Actually quite the opposite! "Mm...nn..yeah."

Deidara grabbed Sasori face and squished his round cheeks vigorously, "That's explains why it was so delicious." He moved his face closer to his neighbors laughing, "I really really like the taste of your love, un. Maybe that's why I only like your cooking."

"Oh..."

Not giving Sasori much time to say anything else Deidara kissed the man on the lips, holding it there a moment until Sasori relaxed. Once he did, Deidara crammed his tongue in there, ruffling his fingers in the fluffy red locks. When he pulled away he smiled at the shocked expression he was given.  
"Well?" he panted, "What did you think of my kiss?"

Well it sure wasn't what he was expecting.

Sasori licked his lips, "It was very.. sweet."

"Aww!"

"No really, it was. All I tasted was the icing from that cake." Sasori repeated, smacking his tongue around his mouth.

Deidara laughed and kissed the man once more when he was off guard, "It's the least I can do to share! Especially after being such a pig and eating it all."

Rolling his eyes, Sasori took a chance and kissed Deidara, "It was your birthday cake. It was my gift to you. You were supposed to eat it."

"Yeah but... but... butt..." Deidara turned around and looked at his ass, "Oh my god! My diet!"

Sasori sighed and grabbed Deidara's waist, pressing his lips right to his ear, "Relax. Your ass is fantastic." He whispered.

"Oh... Okay..."

"Deidara..."

"Un...?"

"So are we boyfriends now?" Sasori asked, still whispering in Deidara's ear.

Deidara snorted, "Yes. Yes we're boyfriend."

"Well, I'll be sure to keep you well fed forever!"

"Deal, un." Deidara laughed.

-x-

A couple years later, Sasori got started, early prepping his love and live in boyfriend a delightful valentines meal. Steak, seafood and a bed of green beans, topped with a delicious bearnaise sauce. Of course there would be a dessert- looking at the counter where he prepared something in particular for the evening...a rather fun and unconventional type of dessert was already set for tonight.

"Mmmm! Danna what smells soooo Delicious, un?" Deidara laughed, plopping himself down at a candlelit dinner, the fuss of an overly romantic Valentine's Day unwarranted as each meal prepared by Sasori was already fancy and sex was often also on the table.  
It was a day like any other day, the only difference was Sasori got a bouquet of flowers when Deidara got home from work while Deidara got some damn fancy little chocolate bonbons to take with him.

"Just one of your many favorites." Sasori said, placing a well plated meal in front of his boyfriend, "Happy Valentines." He said briefly, kissing Deidara on the temple.

"Happy Valentines, Danna, un."

After Deidara was full of food and completely tuckered out by his boyfriend, Sasori hummed as he searched his good old online threads. There he saw a topic that caught his eye

"The way to a man's heart is his stomach?"

Clicking on it he read the dilemma of the anonymous poster, wondering if it were true. They had heard the old saying and was seriously inquiring about it.

Scorpion: It is true. It worked with my boyfriend. That boy isn't going anywhere.

Weasle: So if I become a good cook and feed them...then they'll fall in love with me?

Scorpion: Men can be easy to manipulate. Delicious makes them look past your bad qualities. Oh and if they leave you, they'll simply starve. Who knew the flavor of love was so addictive? So yes, the way to a man's heart is his stomach.

* * *

Ta daaaaa. happy b-day deidara! i extended to release date of the final chapter so sue meee.  
I ended with v-day cause i missed v-day this year so why not blurb it. makes up for it? no? ok i'll do better next time.  
BYE LOSERS


End file.
